The world is changing
Is it? I see nothing different
Ah, but humankind varies
Do they? I hear no difference
You must see that the planet shifts
Does it? I feel nothing different
The world is changing
There are more colors in life
Beauty multiplies
Art becomes the living as the living grow stale
Humankind does vary
That man and that woman
They cannot be the same
In all aspects they are individual
The planet is shifting
Earthquakes, volcanoes, weather
Landscape changes and society grows
The natural world trembles and humans live on
The world is changing
It is… everything adjusts
Ah, but humankind varies
They do… I hear them bicker and argue
You must see that the planet shifts
It does… and nothing stays the same
5 comments:
Overall, I like it. Both the idea and the execution. Couple issues though:
1. I hear no difference sticks out. I suggest changing it to I hear nothing different.
2. Humankind is singular? Yeah, yeah, I know it's poetry. I just don't like the Do in Do they.
3. Parallelism...poetically. The world is changing, Humankind varies, The planet shifts. Then you switch them up for the middle, and then you go back to them at the end. A little distracting.
I love the "call and response" style of statement, question, and then statement.
It's wonderful to see that type of writing pulled off well, since it is difficult sometimes.
My only recommendation would be to break up the piece into three separate stanzas.
1st Break might work between "There are more colors in life" and "Beauty multiplies"
2nd Break is a little tougher to place, I would suggest around "The world is changing" right before "It is..."
I love this one and hope you keep at it
I agree on splitting it up, but I disagree on the locations. I think the natural splits would be after "I feel nothing different" and after "The natural world trembles and humans live on" because then you'd split it into the three sections of the three questions if that makes sense.
I really appreciate the input, and I want to make changes, but I want the original there too, so I'm putting the updated version in this post.
The world is changing
Is it? I see nothing different
Ah, but Humankind is varied
Is it? I hear nothing different
You must see that the planet is shifting
Is it? I feel nothing different
The world is changing
There are more colors in life
Beauty multiplies
Art becomes the living as the living grow stale
Humankind does vary
That man and that woman
They cannot be the same
In all aspects they are individual
The planet is shifting
Earthquakes, volcanoes, weather
Landscape changes and society grows
The natural world trembles and humans live on
The world is changing
It is... everything adjusts
Ah, but Humankind is varied
It is... I hear them bicker and argue
You must see that the planet shifts
It does. And nothing stays the same
I liked this, and the changes made a big difference (in a good way) to the flow and "poetry" of it.
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