Wednesday, December 19, 2007

False Asian Oracles

I never used to understand the saying, “don’t let the bed-bugs bite.” That was before I had any of the damned things. It started with my addiction to false Asian oracles. My friend David told me one night at a Chinese restaurant that fortune cookies are always better in bed. The only thing I got out of the suggestion is crumbs all over my sheets. Then the bugs came. I’m pretty sure they were drawn to the fortune-cookie crumbs, or maybe they were Confucius’s form of revenge for my ignoring his advice too many times. Now I have trouble sleeping at night for worry that the damned bugs might crawl some place they don’t belong. Next time I see David I assure you I’ll be giving him a fortune cookie in a place it doesn’t belong. I still haven’t kicked my addiction, but now I take them only in restaurants or at the kitchen table. My latest fortune: “Your heart will always make itself known through your words.” The last of my lucky numbers is 42, so I’m trying to figure out how this fortune is connected to the ultimate answer of life.