The best of the conversation activity

For this activity everyone wrote one half of a conversation, then paired up with another person and put their two respective halves together. There was no collaboration involved whatsoever: no one had any idea who his partner would be, nor what he had written. These were my favorites (tell me if I got the names wrong):


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Claire and Josh
A: So, how's life treating you?
B: Well, I never!
A: That's better than me; I had food poisoning over the weekend.
B: What an interesting statement. You know, I've recently traveled to Germany and had the most amazing experience! Amsterdam has the most interesting things for sale in their coffee shops. . .
A: Yeah, well life's a bitch. How was your date last night?
B: Have you ever tried marijuana?
A: That sounds awful.
B: Yes, yes, alright. So, we'll talk about something else. You konw, I once heard that in Bible times, people recreationally smoked opium. Do you think Jesus did?
A: That's why you should always carry safety pins with you.
B: That positively had nothing to do with what I just asked you. You aren't even listening. Well, then, what is it you're trying to say?
A: It never hurts to be prepared!
B: What's that? I thought I heard something about Mary Sue Coleman and Alvin and the Chipmunks, but what were they doing, and why?
A: Well, guess what, my apartment had to be emptied out because we had bedbugs, but you don't see me complaining.
B: Yes, I see your point.
A: Don't worry: it's not your fault.
B: By the way, have you seen my trousers? I can't seem to find them.
A: Well, I should get going. I have to write a paper about Samuel Coleridge!
B: That's AWESOME! Clearly, we're on the same page now.

The Republican and Jessica
A: What do you mean "three times"!?
B: I can't believe, after everything that's happened, that you can just waltz in here and say that.
A: Well, that's not acceptable. I mean, how could you have forgotten? Only to remember now?
B: I didn't meant what I said last night. I was drunk. And possessed. Jerk!
A: Yeah, there was a lot of vodka involved.
B: Same to you.
A: No, I don't want to hear any of your excuses.
B: What's that supposed to mean?
A: All you've ever said to me was a lie. All of it, every whispered nothing, a vicious lie from your uncaring mouth.
B: Oh, oh. I get it now.
A: No, no you don't.
B: You know what this reminds me of? Nevermind, I'll tell you anyway-
A: I think we're done here, there's nothing more to say. You're a heartless bitch.
B: Hippos are the most dangerous animals in the Savannah, they kill more people than lions every year.
A: Well, maybe, but you'll have to prove it.
B: Yeah yeah, I know. But hear me out: everybody's afraid of lions, you know? But who could fear a hippo? People see hippos, they don't think danger, they think dancing in tutus in Fantasia - and then they think "Huh, those are some big teeth" and then they don't think anything at all.
A: No, I don't believe your words. Nothing you've said was true.
B: Wow, didn't expect to hear THAT, I admit. Well played.
A: What do you think I am, crazy?
B: Don't get cocky!

Scott and Fiza
A: I am not going to eat any of these cheap hotdogs for dinner again, goddammit. What else we got?
B: Close the door!
A: Yeah, but don't we have more of that pasta salad your mother made us?
B: Well, I didn't think he'd see us. But you never know.
A: So you're saying you ate all of it. By yourself. Great.
B: Nah, I'm not scared of him. Are you?
A: Well, I guess I'll just sit right down and enjoy a nice meal of condiments. Mmmm condiments! Ketchup, mayo, relish - the works.
B: Are we doing the right thing? Don't touch that! Have you lost your mind?
A: Oh, that's real cute. You'd like that wouldn't you? Christ.
B: That's true. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? It's just a little fire.
A: OK, how'd you like to eat a stick of margarine? Enjoy. Yeah, take that.
B: What? I didn't want him to die!
A: I don't know what you're talking about - domestic assault my ass!
B: This is not funny.
A: What!? Are you serious!? OK, OK, go ahead, call the cops - see if I care.
B: Oh my God! Noooo!
A: Now wait. Just wait, let's calm down. Take a deep breath. Nice and easy. . .

Eric and Alex
A: Barry, I told you not to do it. How many times have I told you not to do it?
B: Wanker junk sickness macho explosion!
A: Stop trying to change the subject.
B: No the whipple stayed the night in God's golden frame, all guts no glory!
A: That's no excuse. The VCR was mine and you just felt the need to change it in order to better suit your perversions.
B: Fantastic.
A: It's obvious what you did. You put bunny ears and applied oral glitter to what was previously a work of modern man.
B: A whore is a whore no matter which way you cut it.
A: Barry, just shut up. She doesn't have anything to do with this.
B: Stop. Just stop.
A: Jill is not a whore, no matter how many domestic animals she's slept with.
B: Eloi, eloi, lama subachthani!
A: You and I both know cows don't count. Come on, don't be silly.
B: Yes, Matthew. The best.
A: I really don't care about that. I just want my goddamn VCR back, and the calzones as well.
B: I ain't stole nothing never.
A: Fine, don't invite me to your Karl Marx birthday bash.
B: Yes, I know.
A: I'm hanging up now, and I want to see my stuff on your iceberg outside in two minutes, OK?
B: Love you too, Mommy.