Sunday, December 10, 2006

UM Writers' Community

UM Writers' Community

I don't think this is good. I just needed to be honest.

Rain on Us

I hate it when you open the door and look at me
like I shouldn’t be in my own house
and take my best friend away.

You don’t hate me.
I don’t hate you.
But I hate feeling like a stranger in my own house
because when you’re here, I feel like I
don’t want to be, not really.

Of course I don’t hate that she loves you,
or that you love her (I know
you do) but it is
that love is so exclusive. That in the act of loving
she loves me less. Less than if we were in
our own house together
without you, loving each other.

But now she's gone away.

I sit here,
you sit there,
sprouting clouds from the corners
of our mouths and wishing
the other weren’t here.

She rains on us both.


Jenny said...

Meh.... the first three lines should be a separate stanza, the posting just got messed up and I don't know how to edit it... lol.

Josh said...

I like the central idea of the poem. I don't like the first two (as it showed on the page, 1) stanzas. There's too much going on the way it is written.

Sprouting clouds from the corners of our mouths...very cool. Reminds me of a comic strip.