Thursday, October 12, 2006


The moment your fingers brush my neck
I return to my body
and you to yours.
You lean in and unclasp
my necklace, smooth silver,
and let it slip to the floor.
Neither of us are worried
about the chain
that will soon be
a twirled, twisted tangle
from our carelessness.

You remove your watch.
You have no use for it here.
Sharp hands
are twitching from line
to deliberate line
as if there aren’t an infinite number
of moments in between.

I let you take off
my skin.
Ultimate vulnerability.
Ultimate freedom.

One moment.


Josh said...

whoa there. NC-17.


B-Go said...

This is a beautifully written poem--

I especially like the idea of two lovers taking off each other's skins... the "sharp hands" and the removal of, not clothes, but a necklace and a watch. These are nice touches.

The last stanza was the only part of the poem that really bothered me. The line "Locked." especially, because the previous line, "Ultimate freedom" seemed a complete contrast. You may want to do away with the last stanza altogether, because it doesn't really seem to do much for the poem. But if you did intend to contrast the idea of freedom and entrapment (is that even a word?), then I think you need to develop it more than simply dropping in the word "Locked."

Good work overall! It's nice to see some of your work!

Jenny said...

Lovely watch imagery. I agree with b-go on the "locked" thing. Especially since you spend the poem getting rid of sharp edges and confines, it's hard to imagine this locked going along with that. Perhaps there's another way to express the feeling of being "locked together" without the rigidity of "locked."

Jenny said...

P.S. Josh just because you said "whoa" I'm so going to post a dirty poem