Friday, May 05, 2006

Everywhere

Everything I do
reminds me of you.
Your face is in the clouds.
Your voice is in the sounds
of the birds' songs flowing,
and of the wind blowing.
Your smile, your eyes...
Full of happiness, a sigh
escapes me when
together I imagine us.
Then to you I send
a hug and a buss.

Please comment. I like this better than the other one I wrote. That one's more free verse.

7 comments:

Neil said...

I like it. Good imagery.

The ellipsis at the end of "your eyes" seems like you could replace it with a comma; the idea of "trailing off" seems incongruous there.

What's a buss?

Ankit said...

Everybody seems to be asking this, so a buss is a kiss. Go random outdated words that happen to rhyme with stuff I use :-p

Ankit said...
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Ankit said...

Regarding the trailing off, I think when I was writing it, I was going for the ellipsis being the sigh. Also, I was thinking about changing happiness to bliss for syllable count reasons. Which way sounds better for rhythm?

Jerry Gordinier said...

I want more specific detail.

Ankit said...

details? like what?

Jerry Gordinier said...

i was actually very out of it when i wrote that... perhaps some more colors... i like colors