Thursday, September 20, 2007


"make me immoral,"
the protagonist whispers
"let me taste her love,"


Ankit said...

Just to clarify, is that immoral supposed to be immortal or did you mean immoral?

fizah said...

i meant it to be immoral. :)

Ankit said...

woooow. I generally don't like short poems, but that's good.

Neil said...

Very impressive, amazing word economy with the dialogue. I really liked "make me immoral" in particular.

I wonder, though, if "the protagonist" is the best use of those five syllables. What were you going for?

Manisha said...

Hey Fizah,

Yeah, great job! It's hard to be high impact with such few words, but you always manage to find the perfect one (for example, I love "whispers" here).

Quick question, though... why does it end in a comma?

fizah said...

i meant this haiku to be like a request from the protagonist to the author of his story.

it ends with a comma because he needs an answer from the author.

thanks for everyone's comments! =)

Manisha said...

Oh, that's such a cool idea! I love it even more now.