So, I edited the poem. Please comment.
EDITED:
Left foot. Right,
and again. Stop.
In sight,
A flower; Purple.
Lift and view.
Beauty, Fragile.
Pain. from a thorn.
Drop it and see
Purple and Crimson.
Left behind.
Left foot. Right,
and again, again, again,
again, again...
OLD:
Left foot. Right,
and again. Stop.
A flower; Purple.
Pick it up.
Beauty, Fragile.
Pain. A thorn.
Drop the flower.
Purple, Crimson.
Left foot. Right,
and again, again, again...
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Untitled Poem
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Hm. A little odd. Don't know if I like it, but that's not to say it's poorly written. I think it's interesting and kind of random. I like the ending.
I wasn't going for random necessarily, more of an observance of a particular event that struck me. This didn't literally happen, it's just how I felt at the time. The rigidity (if that's a word) of the poem is supposed to evoke or represent a certain mood.
I'd like to hear what more people have to say about it before I comment further.
i meant more the form was kind of random. the events in the poem aren't that random. it kind of reminds me of your sunflower poem. it's kind of like, well i guess i just don't catch much of an actual form. i do think rigidity is a word btw.
i like it better now. it flows better.
Post a Comment