Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A Dream Within a Dream

Cold rocks
Warm, cinnamon-scented air wafts past
The clitter-clatter of the busy workman,
aluminum keys a soft reminder of life beyond my mind.

The familiar weight presses on my throat
It crushes my windpipe in pain and shame.

“Hey, are you alright?”

A fat woman looks over her gigantic,
frothy mountain of colored ice.
A wild and beautiful thing tamed for
her flabby mouth.

“God, think she’s got enough whip cream?”
It was an agitated whisper,
something I thought another had said.

“Ohh, nothing…” I mutter again.

I was a puppet for my thoughts.
Control was slipping,
They always seemed to have that effect.


The metal minutes tapped nicely by,
the vice squeezing my breath.
Stop staring. Say something clever.

“You look great”
I leaned slowly,
my heart re-arranging the organs in my chest.

So close the breath was warm
A tropical breeze of mint and creamy-dark coffee.

Their blue-tinted windows were dark,
So dark and enticing. They begged me.

I reached forward and stopped just short.
The annoying woman slurped the empty cup
The sound of type ceased.

Their eyes were on us.

I looked back into the universes of heaven.
I saw the same longing.
I couldn’t breathe.

Fuck this.
Did I say it aloud?

I drew us close
Our lips merged in flawless unison

Our muscles flexed,
suspense and surprise knotted in sinew.

The tension waned,
melted into time;
The strain unraveled

There, the universe in a moment.

No more cold rocks.


Ankit said...

It's good. I have a couple issues with it, though:
The entire first stanza doesn't really seem like it adds much to the poem.
The cold rocks that warm up aren't really explained: what are they and why do they matter?
Is there a reason you used "they" instead of assigning the other party a he/she? Or are the they's referring to the other party at all?
What is "the sound of type"?

John D. said...

The first stanza sets up the 'metallic type' symbol and gives us the setting.

The cold rocks are also a symbol for the anxiousness and anxiety the speaker is feeling. The final stanzas are meant to be seen as almost a release of all the tension, thus melting the cold rocks.

The use of they is to de-personalize the object of affection. I wanted 'them' to represent a physical embodiment of love and not a specific definition of such. When you read it, you are supposed to feel like you are the speaker, thus replacing the ambiguous 'they' with your definition of love.

The 'sound of type' is both literal (the busy workman) and has a lot of symbolic and theoretical implication. I.E.: The businessman is cold and is far too busy to notice what is conspiring. Somewhat like society, which is far too concerned with monetary wealth than the spiritual and emotional. It also could be seen as the passage of time, since the workman is continually typing away(shown by the repetition) and the reader should be feeling the angst of the speaker as the typing continues. Etcetera...