Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Everything that had to be said

has been said.

We’ve sounded out the words endlessly, in dimly lit scenes,

dredging through the dark corners of our minds,

reaching inside our chests to pull out the offending organ,

soft, swollen, red,

and tossed it around casually,

with the raised inflections of our dead words.

It gathers lint, and dust, and the poison

of an emotion once expressed, which cannot be taken back,

a shadow of doubt,

and a thick black tar film of bitterness.

Mercilessly, we extend the pincers,

to encircle the tender shape of our entwinement—

delirious with danger, heavy with irony,

I cut you deeply,

only to watch myself bleed.

And then, the next morning,

we restart the discussion:

the negotiations, the justifications, the delineations

cloud the air and move, smothering, down the windpipe;

we thrash violently against the oncoming stalemate

as it creeps and scrapes through the lungs

at the empty wound of space where, once, something else

used to be.


Ankit said...

wow. powerful. I'm a fan. The words dredging, dead, smothering, and stalemate work really well to get the point across. I also like the thick black tar film of bitterness. What's the shadow of doubt, though? Seems like if everything's been said, there's nothing that can be doubted any longer, so why does the offending organ gather doubt?

Sean said...

The potent, painful imagery in this poem reek of bitterness and cynicism. To me, this is about a sundered romantic relationship and I can relate to more than a few of the feelings metaphorically expressed.

Powerful work. No crticisms here!

Ankit said...

Hm. Reading this over again, I realized that a couple lines seem out of place:

And then, the next morning,
we restart the discussion:

Morning because nothing else in the poem has any sort of time reference, and restart because no discussion was ever stopped. I'm also not a fan of "Mercilessly, we extend the pincers, to encircle the tender shape of our entwinement" but that might just be me. I'm not sure what I don't like about those lines, they just seem weird.

Jeremy L said...

This is definitely well on it's way to being the finished product, and it captures the emotion really well. Good Work.