Written at the 10/04/07 meeting and brushed up slightly. I'm especially looking for feedback on where to start and end lines.
Ode to the Internet
Dare I assign a power of ten to your size?
I fear you will exceed it before
the words can leave my mouth.
Or perhaps, you are fundamentally
incompatible with the notion of size;
Your infinite complexity and omnipresent reach
Transcend quantification.
Some attempt to assign you an age
But this is another number you evade
with frustrating ease. Nevertheless,
sometime between Ace of Base and Avril Lavigne
you came into existence and brought with you
Everything.
Music movies games e-mail IMs blogs porn
Videos of dogs on skateboards
Stories about Tiffany's asshole boyfriend
Pictures from my summer vacation
Jessica Alba's ass in a bikini
Illegal software
The latest headlines
How to double your stock earnings without trying
Ron Paul spam
MySpace pages
and everything else else the
human mind is capable of achieving
swirl and spin and blend and blur
in your maelstrom depths.
And yet you are so much more
than merely the sum of your parts.
You are wonderful, terrifying, exciting
You are the Internet.
5 comments:
A classic! I'm glad you managed to get it written.
Welcome back to writing :)
Okay, to actually offer some feedback: this poem dances on the line between ironic but sincere social commentary and a sort of flippant, uninvested mockery--I would recommend deciding which tone you intend to convey and then tailoring the poem to suit it.
If you decided to go with sincerity, then "Your infinite complexity and omnipresent reach/ Transcend quantification" sounds too theatrical. Also, "But this is another number you evade/ with frustrating ease" could be stronger. The ending stanza, especially, needs to be redone--I guess you could keep the first two lines (though change the line break: right now the first line reads "And yet you are so much more", which is too cliche) but you need to add some kind of real conclusion. The other thing yo might want to reconsider is the theatricality of "maelstrom depths".
The central part is spot-on, though, I love the juxtaposition of all the various images, don't change anything about it! (I especially enjoyed the link.) The start, too, is great.
Personally, I think the line endings/subsequent beginnings are incredibly effective. The poem (ode) itself is brilliant; however, the written form doesn't do it justice.
The section following "Everything." is both comical and heartfelt and jarringly out-of-place after the more traditional styling beginning and ending the poem. I'm not saying it should be changed, but I do think that readers should hear you recite this to truly appreciate it.
Good job!
I agree with Sean on readings having to hear it. I also disagree with Manisha on "I would recommend deciding which tone you intend to convey and then tailoring the poem to suit it." I like the dancing. It allows for many tones, but then again, I'm a commitment-phobe.
I think the tone is rather consistent, considering the everything that the internet is- that line sums up why this ode can get away with the various tones. The irony comes through most through the juxtaposition of the examples, and through irony it makes rather serious social commentary. I do see what Manisha is saying about the mockery in spots... and it's NOT cool to mock the internet (especially in an ode to said entity). Nice work.
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