Thursday, October 11, 2007

Love Letter

This was today's prompt.... and is also an excellent example of why it is often difficult for me to have relationships with normal people. :)

Dear ____________,

There was no sun last Wednesday. I remember this specifically because Tuesday, after we spent a wonderful time on your couch watching Dr. Strangelove, I went to bed hoping there would be sun, hoping that the weather would affirm the growing idea in my subconscious that I am falling in love with you. Ironically, the absence of sun the next morning did not depress me, did not convince me that it was all a dream, but instead, the cold gray wind in through my window told me yes. Yes.

This is the way my mind works. You of course, having spent much time with me, know this already. My thoughts do not move in coherent lines, they do not being with one thing and end with another, the path between the two being easily discernable. In fact, I doubt that anyone but me could ever fully comprehend how I began with the question of love and ended with the cold, gray, disgusting air making me happy. As a courtesy to you, I have therefore mapped out my thoughts, in order, below.

Thought 1. Tuesday night, I left your apartment feeling elated, happy, and energized.

Thought 2. Am I falling in love with you?

Thought 3. It has not been long enough. I could not know yet. But on the other hand, maybe—

Thought 4. It has been too long. I should know by now. But, no—

Thought 5. It has been exactly the right amount of time. So why don’t I know yet?

Thought 6. I know most things about myself already. Why is this not one of them?

Thought 7. One of the things that I know about myself is that I love the city in fall, that lights and brisk half-darkness covered in clouds and the smell of smoke and grease and coffee and exhaust and cold cold air make me happy, so happy.

Thought 8. Another thing that I know about myself is that I hate clichés and conventions.

Thought 9. One such convention that I hate is the thought that when weather echoes your mood, your mood is made stronger.

Thought 10. The weather now is cold and disgusting.

Thought 11. I do not feel cold or disgusting.

Thought 12. I enjoy cold disgusting weather in the fall in the city.

Thought 13. This weather does not echo my mood, but it does enhance it, because I love the cold disgusting weather in the fall in the city, and therefore, I must love you as well.

And there you have it. I know now, (and by this point in the letter, you must too) that my heart is not only beating fast because I need more blood in my extremities to stave off frostbite, but because I am thinking about you.

Love, Claire


Carolyn said...

I like the interesting format of listing the thoughts. I do think that some of them are repetetive. You could probably make the same point in fewer thoughts.